it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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