Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
