You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
