If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
