Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
