you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
