What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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