I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
