Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
