Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
