doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
