Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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