Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The feeling are messing with the penis
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
