I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
