Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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