so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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