just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
