My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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