I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize