4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
