No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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