the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
