I wish my penis had an off switch
My friends, they love my intelligence
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Houston, we have a blender
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize