i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
In America we eat man semen.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize