he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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