JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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