We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
