Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
