last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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