do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
