Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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