are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
