TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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