If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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