Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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