Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
