ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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