guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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