he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
