party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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