Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
