Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you had me at cake vodka
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
