you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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