i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
