Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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