just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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