Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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