mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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