need another drink. this is the easiest way
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
