Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
