Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize