It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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