Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
