Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
