I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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