I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
