sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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