I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
