New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
