And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
