Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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