Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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