I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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